If you are familiar with Kipling's poem "If" where he describes the attributes required to be a grown up then I can only apologise. I have pillaged his fine verse and manipulated it to describe the attributes required to be a mother...
If you are a member of the PTA or NCT, I do apologise. You are lovely people really.
If you can't keep your head when mums about you
Are losing theirs and terrifying you,
If you can't cope when your NCT doubt you,
And make no allowance for their choice too;
If you can wait - but be so tired of waiting,
And make up lies - but not be duped by lies,
Or have mated, but can't mind ever mating,
And never look good, nor ever be wise:
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| Never look good |
If you can't dream, when passed out on the pillow;
If you can't think— yet are always on, go!
If you can't face the PTA once again
And yet treat those impostors just the same;
If you can't bear to hear your clichés spoken
Uttered despite promising to be "cool",
Or watch the things you have treasured be broken,
And stoop to pick ’em up. Life can be cruel!
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| A dreamless sleep |
If you can ignore the big heap of washing
And rake through it for a top without sauce,
And fail, leaving the house filthy for shopping
And whilst dreading bumping into your boss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To answer cries in the dark around two,
And stay awake when there's nothing left in you
But the sheer need to protect this life, new.
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| New life |
If you have the will to "pretend" one more time,
Or watch as food coats the walls where hands touch,
If dealing with the toddler poop now seems fine,
And midnight vomit is much of a much.
If all of your clothes either stretch or "control",
Your unwashed hair is scraped back in a bun;
If you can quote all six of the Paw Patrol,
Whilst navigating the morning's school run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a stressed out Mum!
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| Oh the stress... |
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